If you’ve ever hosted Thanksgiving dinner for a group, large or small, you know how much planning, cleaning, shopping, prepping, baking, chopping, and basting goes into pulling it off. At the end of the day, of course, all that hard work is forgotten as you bask in the praise from your stuffed and contented guests. You are happy to make the effort because a successful Thanksgiving is not as much about the food as it is about being with your loved ones, catching up on each other’s news, playing games, watching football, and sharing the family traditions you’ve established over the years.

On those occasions when we are not hosting but attending as an invited guest, however, it’s important not to take your hostess’s efforts for granted, no matter how calm she appears or how many years she has “done” Thanksgiving. Aside from offering to bring something to the gathering and lending a hand while you’re there, another way to show your appreciation for the hospitality is to follow up with a handwritten thank you note.

Every hostess loves to hear that her gathering was as successful as she’d hoped it would be. A thank you card is doubly appreciated if the hostess is someone you speak to often, such as your mom, your sister, or your best friend. Often we neglect such social niceties with our closest relatives and friends, and those are the people who will most appreciate your honest and unexpected words of thanks. If you’re lucky, she just might share her recipe for that delicious pecan pie in return.